TOP TEN Cheesiest Hair Metal Videos
Published on January 22, 2011 by Christian Sellers · No Comments
The 1980s – an era that taste and subtlety forgot. But oh, the memories! Whilst grunge made metal fans remember how miserable life can be, the 1980s was all about sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.
And although many of the groups to emerge from the hair metal scene during that time may now seem embarrassing and somewhat dated (although some seemed tacky even back then), in the 1980s this music was a celebration of the joys of youth; riding down Sunset Boulevard on a Harley-Davidson, scoring chicks and getting high.
Although there are many videos from that time that could easily qualify as ridiculous, extreme or cringe-inducing, there are several elements that were necessary to make this list; the generic hair metal clichés (kicking in the air or rolling across the stage, sharing microphones, winking at the camera, pulling ‘metal faces’), fashion that could only have existed in 1980s (spandex, bandanas, mullets or spiked hair, leather and lace) and narratives that featured adolescents rebelling against authority with the power of metal.
There were countless videos that were considered for this list (The Final Countdown by Europe, which features an impressive swing of the microphone stand, Fly High Michelle by Enuff Z’Nuff and several Bon Jovi clips, most notably Runaway and Livin’ on a Prayer). But, after hours of subjecting ourselves to hair metal videos, here are our pick of the cheesiest!
10. TWISTED SISTER – We’re Not Gonna Take It
Truth be told, both the song and accompanying promo video for Twisted Sister‘s 1984 hit We’re Not Gonna Take It are lots of fun and the band clearly never took their image too seriously, looking like a cross between Spinal Tap and Goldilocks. But there is no denying how cheesy their music videos were; with We’re Not Gonna Take It being one of the best examples of mid-1980s metal cheese. After being confronted by his aggressive and uptight father (Mark Metcalf, who also made a similar appearance in the band’s video for I Wanna Rock the same year), a young boy strums his guitar defiantly, sending his father flying out through the bedroom window. The kid suddenly transforms into Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider, whilst his siblings turn into the other band members, as Metcalf spends the duration of the video attempting to break back into the house (much as Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern would do several years later in Home Alone).
9. NELSON – (Can’t Live Without Your) Love and Affection
There were few hair metal bands that truly embraced the power of the acoustic guitar, aside from the obligatory power ballad, so it could be said that siblings Matthew and Gunnar Nelson – more commonly known simply as Nelson – had found their niche with their own brand of acoustic metal. But it seemed that they were unable to avoid embracing the current fashion and the result was a sickeningly sweet collection of power ballads that lacked any kind of distinction or sincerity, instead merely sounding like generic radio-friendly tunes. The video for their biggest hit, 1990′s (Can’t Live Without Your) Love and Affection, saw the brothers dedicating a song to a girl on the front cover of a magazine whilst playing their acoustics in their lounge, before the blonde pretty boys are transported onto a technicolor set, where one of the duo can show off his attractive knee-high red boots.
8. STRYPER – Calling on You
Everything about Stryper clearly demonstrated what was wrong with ’80s hair metal. If this is the kind of music that God and Jesus Christ like to rock out to then perhaps an eternity in Hell would be more rewarding. Opening with a pyrotechnic explosion, signalling the arrival of the band, it is difficult to decide which is the most offensive; the yellow and black spandex or the holier-than-thou lyrics. But after watching their attempts to recreate the harder metal image of their contemporaries, whilst Michael Sweet’s harmonies seem so out of place, it is clear that Calling on You truly epitomises why hair metal had such a short shelf life.
7. RATT – Round and Round
Ratt would become one of the most prominent bands of the California hair metal scene during the 1980s due to the success of their debut album, Out of the Cellar, in 1984. One of the group’s most popular tracks was Round and Round, which would feature a typically flamboyant video, whilst frontman Stephen Pearcy boasted one of the worst permed mullets in metal. The video saw a group of rich people sat eating a meal, when their peaceful evening is interrupted by the band performing in their attic. One of the guests becomes seduced by the sound and slowly makes her way up the stairs, whilst guitarist Warren DeMartini crashes through the floor and lands on the dining table below, where the rich began to panic as the group continue to play from the room above. The woman arrives in the attic and begins to dance to the music, whilst even the butler becomes seduced by the rock ‘n’ roll mayhem.
6. DAVID LEE ROTH – Just Like Paradise
There is no denying how entertaining David Lee Roth can be, but at the same time there is a tackiness to his performance that borders of cabaret. Whilst his time fronting Van Halen boasted countless classic tunes, less could be said about his solo career, which effectively begun in 1985, shortly after leaving the band. Roth soon teamed up with a young guitarist called Steve Vai and the result was the 1988 album Skyscraper. Perhaps the high (or low, depending on taste) point of this collaboration came with the radio hit Just Like Paradise. Roth was always known for his flamboyant performances in music videos but perhaps Just Like Paradise is his greatest offence.
5. WARRANT – Cherry Pie
Despite not being released until 1990, the excess and stupidity of the hair metal scene was perhaps best summed up with Warrant’s signature tune Cherry Pie. Released from the album of the same name, legend has it that frontman Jani Lane received a phone call from the head of Columbia Records, demanding that the band include a rock anthem on their latest album. Written in just a few minutes on the side of a pizza box, the song made such an impression on the label that, when released as a single, was heavily promoted. Even more tacky than the song was the accompanying video, which featured the usual winks and clenched fists, as well as a waitress carrying a slice of pie. The role was portrayed by former Miss Louisiana Teen USA 1987 Bobbie Brown, who would marry Lane the following year. Despite its success, the band has expressed regret on numerous occasions and claim that it overshadowed the rest of the album.
4. POISON – I Want Action
Whilst Poison were never the most masculine of bands, their image during the promotion of their debut album, 1986′s Look What the Car Dragged In, saw them at their most effeminate. Looking more like ugly transvestites than actual women (with the exception of guitarist C.C. DeVille, who was almost convincing), perhaps their most outrageous and embarrassing video came with their 1987 single I Want Action, which was released shortly before they broke through into the mainstream. Featuring a stage designed as a pair of legs in stockings, the band went through their usual elaborate performance (Rikki Rockett standing whilst playing the drums, DeVille using a total of six guitars during the solo), whilst also attempting to string together several narratives, including bassist Bobby Dall cheating during a game of strip poker and frontman Bret Michaels sat in the backseat of a car with two plus-size women.
3. BRITNY FOX – Girlschool
Much like Cinderella, whom they shared many similarities with, Britny Fox formed in Philadelphia during the mid-1980s, and enjoyed minor acclaim with their debut album. Their most successful track was Girlschool, although this was mostly thanks to the music video, which began with a strict teacher taking scissors to a pair of headphones that one of her students is wearing, causing the walls of the class to come crumbling down. Seeing the band performing on stage, the girls jump to their feat and begin dancing, eventually prompting the teacher to lose her inhibitions and join in the party. Taking elements from both Mötley Crüe‘s Smokin’ in the Boys’ Room (defying teacher authority) and Van Halen‘s Hot for Teacher (seducing the class), the promo for Girlschool featured an assortment of twenty-something girls (including ’80s regular Darcy DeMoss) in skirts and blouses dancing provocatively, whilst the band give the generic hair metal performance.
2. DOKKEN – Dream Warriors
1987′s A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors marked a transition in the horror franchise from dark and menacing to boasting wizards and rap videos. The final nail in the coffin came when New Line Cinema agreed to feature the film’s antagonist, Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund), in a promo clip for Dream Warriors, the track that hair metal band Dokken would release for the movie. Aside from clips from the film, the video also featured actress Patricia Arquette in a scene from the flick, but instead of being chased by Krueger, the walls are ripped open to reveal the group performing, complete with all of the 1980s hair metal clichés (spinning of the drum sticks, clenched fists, customised guitar and dramatic gestures). With Dokken having banished Krueger from the dream world, he wakes up and asks, ‘Who were those guys?’ We were wondering the same thing, Fred.
1. KISS – Tears Are Falling
Oh, how the mighty had fallen. Although the previous decade had seen them dominate the metal scene with a blend of groundbreaking theatrics and old fashion rock ‘n’ roll tunes, Kiss‘ decision to leave behind their make-up in the early 1980s and instead embrace the rising hair metal scene was the biggest mistake of their career. Whilst they would continue to enjoy commercial success with radio-friendly hits like Crazy, Crazy Nights, their greatest crime against good taste, fashion and music came with their 1985 hit Tears Are Falling. Kiss were always at their best when bassist Gene Simmons handled the vocals, but the 1980s saw rhythm guitarist Paul Stanley take centre stage and Tears Are Falling, released from their album Asylum, would feature Stanley in a pink jacket with deglo green gloves, performing some strange dance whilst Simmons pulls some truly embarrassing metal faces in the background. It is an accomplishment that they ever made a comeback after the 1980s.
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